Who is the best horoscope guru?
based on stuff actually happening like they say
Answer by dean!
uhmmm based on what?
Answer by Sandra S
Answer by chainlightning38
The weekly from The Onion! Here are some:
Your Birthday Today
After weeks spent trying to make meaningful human contact, you’ll settle for rubbing up against random strangers on the subway this week.
Aries March 21 – April 19
Your life story will soon be adapted in a hit Broadway play, though a lot of the over-the-top singing and dancing will have to be cut out in order to fit the stage.
Taurus April 20 – May 20
What others think of you is a constant source of worry, so take heart in knowing that they rarely ever do.
Gemini May 21 – June 21
The coming week will be influenced by forces outside your control, namely gravity, linear momentum, and high velocity friction.
Cancer June 22 – July 22
Balancing work and family is never easy, but with looming deadlines and daily staff meetings—well, it’s just—what the hell do you expect from us, Margaret?
Leo July 23 – August 22
You will soon leave your body to science, though unfortunately for you, it’s the type of science that studies the effects of being repeatedly set on fire.
Virgo August 23 – September 22
The stars indicate that it’s important to take risks in life. Also, the stars indicate that by reading this horoscope you automatically absolve them of any liability should serious injury or death occur as a result of those risks.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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